Friday, June 3, 2011

I'm Sorry. So Sorry.

So today I think I might have but don't really know if I potentially caused a potential disagreement, not even a real one as far as I know yet but I'm still worried about whether I did, between two guy friends. I immediately felt guilty and apologized. And then I apologized again because they didn't accept my apology fast enough so it's probably not enough of an apology.  Then I saw the blog below. 

They're probably both so having a beer together at this very moment.

By blogger Shaheen Raja:  
"New research by psychologists at the University of Waterloo, found women apologize far more than our male counterparts, and we say "we're sorry" to strangers a heckuva lot more than we do to family members. In two studies that measured the frequency and reasoning behind apologies, there was a clear-cut gender gap. "Findings suggest men apologize less frequently than women because they have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior,"  the Canadian psychologists explained.

So what exactly is this "offensive behavior" women fear they're unleashing on the world?

"I apologize to people on the subway who bump into them, as though I've been offensive to them, simply by taking up space on earth," says Amy, 32.

"I've said sorry to guys I've dated for not acknowledging that they're trying, even if they're trying and failing," says Leah, 27.

Sandra Elmoznino, a 27-year-old teacher tells the Wall Street Journal all she has to do is call a friend too early or arrive somewhere a few minutes late and she's asking forgiveness.  "I want to be in everyone's good graces," she explains. "It's an anxiety thing."

If anxiety stems from lack of control, is it possible women see apologizing as a form of taking back the reins? "For women, apologizing is a way of reconnecting with someone whose feelings you have hurt, however inadvertently," writes psychologist Sam Margulies on his blog at Psychology Today. "A breach in the relationship is avoided and the relationship continues undisturbed. Neither the woman offering nor the woman receiving the apology regard it as unusual but rather see it as a routine aspect of relationships."

For men, it's just the opposite. "Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss of face," suggests Margulies. "Men are more conscious of the impact of what they say on how others perceive their power position or lack of power. So for a man to acknowledge that he has done something wrong often means that he feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology."